Men, are you facing yet another Valentine’s Day bad date? Can’t bear another year of giving the cliché gifts of assorted chocolates, a bouquet of flowers and reservations at some crowded expensive restaurant? This year, do you want to do something unconventional and guaranteed to get your woman interested in having lots of sex months and even years after this Valentine’s Day? Then schedule your Valentine’s Day vasectomy today!
With this outpatient procedure, you can give your woman a gift she’ll cherish the rest of her life. Image sparing your partner the surgery, complication and expense of tubal sterilization, or protecting her health from the danger of future pregnancy. A vasectomy is also a good choice for men who want to enjoy having sex without causing pregnancy, don’t want to have a child biologically in the future, think other methods are unacceptable, or don’t want to pass on a hereditary illness or disability.
The best part is with a vasectomy a man can still get an erection, feel sexual pleasure and ejaculate. This procedure only affects his sperm cells, which are produced in the testicles. And since we use the no-scalpel technique, one tiny puncture is made to reach each vas deferens, the sperm tubes. The tubes are either tied, cauterized or blocked. The tiny puncture heals quickly without stitches or scarring, resulting in less bleeding, less pain and decreases the probability of infection, bruising and other complications. Men, you’ll be back in sexual action in 3 to 4 days!
With a Valentine’s Day vasectomy, you and your woman can take playing sexy nurse and horny patient to the next level. Act now, and we’ll even throw in a free tube of lubricant and a handheld masturbatory pleasuring device. After three months of consistent manual stimulation and sex with other forms of birth control, your doctor can confirm that all traces of sperm have been cleared out. And for the rest of your life, the playground will be open!
- Disclaimer: Valentine’s Day vasectomies are only intended for men who do not wish or no longer wish to procreate and seek a permanent, non-hormonal birth control solution. Vasectomies do not protect against any sexually transmitted infections. Although the risk of infection due to surgery is low, if you experience a fever over 100°, blood or pus oozing from the site of the puncture, excessive pain or swelling, then see a health care provider. Other potential problems, which usually clear up on their own include bruising, hematomas, hydroceles, granuloma, and pain or discomfort in the testicles. Very rarely, the cut ends of a tube grow back together, which may happen within four months of the operation and allow pregnancy to happen.
[I was inspired to write this spoken word piece after watching several versions of a hormone-replacement treatment for women. All the women made a point to mention how they were driving their husbands crazy wanting sex. Initially, I thought why aren’t any of these women driving their boyfriends, girlfriends or wives crazy wanting sex? Then I thought, what would be the male version of some treatment that would entice a wife or girlfriend to have more sex with her man?]
On Valentine’s Day 2015, I emailed this piece to several male friends. Here are their anonymous responses. I’ve only edited out words that would have identified the respondent.
1st respondent: So, this is your way of asking me out tonight by trying to deflect it as a group email, eh. You could just call me, y’know. I might be free as I have a throng of women all waiting for me you see, but I can easily make room for you my {term of endearment}. It’s still winter, it still gets cold at night. 🙂
2nd respondent: Thankfully women of childbearing age are no longer attracted to me.
3rd respondent: You are to funny! The story is insightful and to photo is a hoot and a holler! You know how to make us laugh — and wince in pain at the thoughts of surgery “there” — all at the same time! Thanks for sharing!
4th respondent:
Wow! I loved your article! I admire a woman who endorses vasectomies. Getting my vas snipped was the best decision I’ve made. All it took was a small puncture to my scrotum and a couple easy steps to remove two simple pieces of vas.
I have no qualms about shutting the ‘sperm factory’ down. Even more satisfying knowing that my testicles won’t be getting any woman pregnant! Not every ejaculation needs to have a name!
Women have to go through hormone pills and birth control pills, it would be easier for me to keep my ‘baby batter’ in check. I’d rather castrate myself than make a woman face an abortion!
Now that I’m shooting blanks, my sex drive has increased. Getting vasectomized has no effect on the quantity of semen I ejaculate! My seminal vesicles are still producing ejaculate.
Thank you for writing this article! I feel liberated. It’s so sexy that I can’t hurt a woman with a unwanted pregnancy. And my testicles still produce testosterone. Getting my cords clipped was done out of respect for the ladies.
Ciao!
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