A male friend recently told me of an alarming crisis: younger men have become so used to having multiple tabs of different pornographic websites open, which they rotate through several times in one setting that they cannot get an erection when they are in the presence of a naked woman since they are under stimulated. As he articulated the horrors of a heterosexual man, who’s fortunate to be in the presence of a consenting, naked woman, and not able to perform, my thoughts drifted elsewhere, as they usually do.
If the younger generation of men are no longer aroused being intimate with a naked woman, might this possibly be the answer we’ve been looking for? “We” meaning those of us who are concerned about all this rampant fertilization. There are already over seven billion people in the world, wouldn’t it be wonderful if internet porn became the birth control of choice for younger men? Finally, men can enthusiastically embrace a form of birth control.
There are lots of men who claim that the “real reason” they watch so much porn is that they don’t have enough money to have a girlfriend. Let’s transform the poor man’s plight. Instead of focusing on these guys’ lack of money, let’s think of all the resources they’re saving by not fathering more people to consume them.
Now, if we’re going to honor men who use internet porn birth control, we shouldn’t shame them about their selective erections. After all, when these guys actually want to reproduce, they can always store some of it in a sperm bank. If this becomes really popular, men will eventually have their own personal sperm banks at home.
Plus, and here’s the real exciting part, men who have erectile challenges can get the latest designer penile implant, but this isn’t your grandfather’s penile implant. These are the new and improved devices that can be controlled by an app.
Imagine girlfriends or wives using a cell phone app to select from several different vibrator settings. Now the implant pump that controls the reservoir of saline solution to produce and deflate an erection will still be done manually. Wouldn’t want an app to activate an erection at an inappropriate time.
Another fine feature will be that women could keep track of their men via the penis tracking app, especially for those powerful men who need reminders avoid forbidden places. Warnings would be pinged to their penises when in they are about to enter certain places. A cloaking feature, emanating from the implant, will render the penis invisible to cameras, preventing dire consequences during those momentary lapses in judgment when a man tries to take a dick pic.
Of course, those are the special upgrade features offered only to rich, powerful men who need to be saved from themselves. Poor men, on the other hand, are still expected to exhibit self-control of their penises. As the saying goes, dear fellows, “You have no excuse because you have no money!” But take heart, all men can truly think on their feet when thinking with their penis.
Internet porn birth control…a family planning solution that men will enjoy using!