Maya’s Visit

Every time one of my nieces and nephews turns 16, he or she spends a week with me; so, Maya’s turn was up this summer. I asked her parents to fly her out around the Fourth of July since I’d automatically have Friday off. Maya arrived midday on a Tuesday and left way too early in the morning the following Tuesday. In between time, we had as much fun as we could squeeze in.

On the day she arrived, I’d planned to take her to a poetry slam and treat her to the Greek food trailer just outside the theatre since she’d not tried much Greek food, other than hummus and pita bread. Also, I wanted her to taste a little of the Austin food trailer culture. The first glitch in the plan kicked in when I saw a tight knit of outdoor tables and chairs where the trailer used to be. When we walked into the nearby restaurant, which had collaborated with the Greek food trailer, the bartender informed us that they’d moved a week or two ago.

We ended up walking to a nearby Tex-Mex restaurant and sharing two entrees. Even with the wait for a table and a newbie server (only the second black male server I’ve had in 6 years of living in Austin!), we made it to the poetry slam on time. Yet, this particular slam was a special event: Team Slam Poetry.  I’d never witnessed this before and Maya had never heard of this genre of poetry. We were both in for a treat.

The next glitch arose once we entered the theatre.  Not an empty seat to be found. Plus, there were buckets and rags arranged in strategic spots on the floor to capture the leaking water. Not daring to stand the whole time, I returned to the car to retrieve two lawn chairs. We set the chairs in an “empty” spot in the middle of the audience in front of the stage. The only reason no one was sitting there was the leaks. Yet, Maya and I helped prove that black people aren’t made of sugar after all. Besides, the dripping lessened as the show unfolded. The sheer entertainment value of the event distracted us from being dripped on.

1 Maya @ Mt. Bonnell

For her first full day, we drove out to Mt. Bonnell, the highest point in Austin at a mere 785 feet, in the morning before the heat turned up.

2 Austin from Mt. Bonnell

The cloud play enveloped Austin in a mythical haze.

3 Another Mt. Bonnell view

Thanks to the continued intermittent heavy rains, the verdant foliage framed the voluminous water beautifully.

4 Maya @ Mt. Bonnell sign

At the end of our hike, we came across the trailhead sign.  By approaching the hike from the end, we actually got a little more of an adventure than we would have by using the stairs.

5 me @ Mt. Bonnell sign

Yet those stairs were the stuff that inspired step aerobics and stair masters!

6 Maya on the stairs

Our heart beat out of our chest and sweat poured walking up and down those stairs–unlike any other part of walking along the trail.

7 Mt. Bonnell stairs

After working up such an appetite, we had lunch at one of my favorite barbecue places. I let our server know that Maya was an out-of-towner and she got the full welcome, including a sampling of the most popular items.

8 Maya @ Rudy's

I’d texted her mother some pictures of our hike, thinking that we’d be spared the “Mommy call,” but once I’d texted her a picture of Maya biting into an extra moist brisket sandwich, she couldn’t resist calling!

9 brisket sandwich

After stuffing ourselves with brisket, creamed corn and banana pudding, the latter my niece actually thought would be as good as Nana’s (my mother’s), we strolled around Zilker Park.

10 Maya @ Zilker

Next morning, I transformed the leftover bread from Rudy’s into French toast, which I garnished with blueberries, strawberries and red apple slices.

11 Maya's French toast

Maya didn’t want a side of brisket like me–she’s still got a lot to learn!

12 my French toast

On Friday “we” went swimming. (Read: I swam a mile while she sat poolside reading a book except for a brief moment of treading water with me in the deep end.)

13 Magic Mike marquee

Then we regrouped, binge-watched “Scandal” until it was time to see “Magic Mike XXL,” the perfect aunt-niece movie! I texted her mother this picture just before we both turned off our phones. Although the audience was allowed to be “rowdy” during the stripping scenes, I was one of the few hooting and hollering. Just goes to show how that theatre had done a terrific job with its “no talking or texting or you’ll be kicked out” policy.

14 LBJ selfie

Proving once again that selfies are overrated, we slowly baked in the Saturday morning sun, attempting to get this shot. At least she looks good. I’d never visited the LBJ library before. Fourth of July was one of its free admission days. I expected huge crowds, but we were the early birds around noontime.  

15 Beatles display

I didn’t realize the temporary exhibit would be The Beatles. This display showed a typical teenage girl’s bedroom, circa 1964.

16 Abbey Road crossing

Against her better judgment, Maya humored me for an Abbey Road pose.

17 front of the bus

She gladly humored me, sitting in the front of the bus, for a desegregation pose in another part of the LBJ museum. Among all of his accomplishments, LBJ signed the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Seeing the artifacts and reading this part of history made me proud of how far we’ve come in our 150 years of emancipation and 239 years of liberty.

19 LBJ's limo

I’m not into cars, but this classic limo was an exception, especially at this angle, showing the gift shop visitors must pass through in order to leave the museum.  Ever since I read The Design of Everyday Things, I no longer have a blind eye to such detail.

I’d debated taking Maya to a nearby park to watch fireworks, but we went to a poetry potluck instead, which featured artists who were veterans. For the first time ever, I heard the Declaration of Independence read aloud in its entirety. This was Maya’s first time hearing me read one of my pieces live. At least we saw some fireworks on the drive back home–some dangerously close to the street, prompting us to roll up our windows.

On Sunday, Maya survived her first bikram yoga class. She’d done all the postures with me before, but never in the actual setting. We brunched at TNT afterwards, then headed down to S. Congress Street.

20 Maya store

I showed Maya her namesake store. 

21 Maya window

I asked one of the saleswomen if there were discounts for girls named “Maya,” which was apparently a common question. (The answer’s no.)

Later that night, I took Maya to her third poetry event. This was a pure open mic, which is always an interesting mixed bag of tricks, bombs and jewels throughout the night. The biggest dud turned out to be a very unfunny comedian, who’d approached one of my friends for pot prior to the show. Maya and I figured it must be the drugs that puts him in the mood to actually tell funny jokes.

22 Maya doing jinga

Maya couldn’t believe how  sore she was the next day after yoga. The best way to deal with soreness is more exercise! We attended a beginner’s capoeira class. Again, she’d done some moves with me before, but this was her first class. She picked up on the sequences much faster than I had in my first capoeira class.

23 Sparing

I partnered with her the whole time since I didn’t trust the other students to spar with her.  After all, sparring was how I broke my ankle nearly two years ago, which required 6 metal pins. 

24 capoeira music

Even though I no longer train capoeira, I still knew some of the students and enjoyed exposing Maya to this Brazilian martial arts and music.After class, Maya told me she hadn’t done any strenuous exercise like this since November! I didn’t feel too sorry for her.  She is 16, after all.

25 Maya playing pandero

Far too early the next morning, I drove my little niece to the airport. She’d enjoyed herself, but was happy to catch up on her sleep and escape the Texas heat and humidity.

One of Dad’s Life Lessons

I normally reflect about the many reasons I love, honor and respect my dad on Father’s Day. Yet today, amid all the recent controversy surrounding race relations, I feel compelled to incorporate one of Dad’s life lessons into this year’s Father’s Day tribute.

After many weeks of thunderstorms, usually on a Friday afternoon, the only time in my busy schedule when I can swim and relax afterwards, I finally knocked out ten laps at a free neighborhood  swimming pool, then sat in my lawn chair under a huge, shady tree  while reading a book and taking notes for my third novel. I breathed in the fresh air, absorbed the heat, humidity and fertile conversations in different languages and among multiple generations, thinking, “Ahh, summer has officially begun.”

Three days later, the McKinney pool video astonished me. The camera phone has evolved into a pivotal civil rights instrument, capturing, as so many artists have tried to in words, sculpture and  other art forms, what continues to challenge our society. Some view protest art as society’s mirror, which reflects questions and sparks conversations. Now, with the onset of portable recording devices, raw moving images and sounds are uploaded, ripping away the pretty, waterproof, bandages and exposing our wounds.

There’s the racism that affirmation action and a black presidency were supposed to cure. There’s the intolerance that demonizes all black teenagers because some made a poor decision. Check out the over-the-top response of one out of 12 cops played on a continuous loop.

Ever the optimist, I thought, “Hey, at least no one was killed and 92% of the responding officers acted in a manner that did not warrant them to be suspended.”

And then a misguided soul entered The Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church, joined their Bible study for about an hour before shooting and killing nine innocent people.

The first time I’d heard of white supremacists was in the mid 70s while sitting at the kitchen table. The alliteration of their name first caught my attention as the TV news reporter articulated something, which I can no longer remember, but left me with the understanding that there was an organized group of whites who hated blacks.

That got me riled up. My immediate response was to hate them right back. My six-year old chest swelled and neck muscles bulged as I passionately outlined a plan about how all black people should get together and build a fabulous kingdom for ourselves and keep all the white people out. I said we should call ourselves The Big Bad Blacks because I wanted an alliterative name for our group as well.

My father, who was sitting at the table with me and patiently listening to my rant, slowly shook his head. He gently explained to me that we all needed to learn to live together and get along with one another. Those few soft-spoken words sucked the venom of hatred out of me.

Even now, as some clamor for the death penalty, which is state-sanctioned murder to show murderers that murder is wrong, I still say that life without parole is the strongest sentence that should be given for egregious acts. And the added bonus in this case will be that a young man, who proclaims to hate blacks will spend the rest of his life incarcerated with an overrepresented population of blacks. Additionally, as the decades tick by, he will witness his unemployed, high school dropout fantasy of a race war NOT breaking out, but rather the maturity of a country learning to live together just as my father said we would.

Valentine’s Day Vasectomy

6 penis pop nurse

Men, are you facing yet another Valentine’s Day bad date? Can’t bear another year of giving the cliché gifts of assorted chocolates, a bouquet of flowers and reservations at some crowded expensive restaurant? This year, do you want to do something unconventional and guaranteed to get your woman interested in having lots of sex months and even years after this Valentine’s Day? Then schedule your Valentine’s Day vasectomy today!

With this outpatient procedure, you can give your woman a gift she’ll cherish the rest of her life. Image sparing your partner the surgery, complication and expense of tubal sterilization, or protecting her health from the danger of future pregnancy. A vasectomy is also a good choice for men who want to enjoy having sex without causing pregnancy, don’t want to have a child biologically in the future, think other methods are unacceptable, or don’t want to pass on a hereditary illness or disability.

The best part is with a vasectomy a man can still get an erection, feel sexual pleasure and ejaculate. This procedure only affects his sperm cells, which are produced in the testicles. And since we use the no-scalpel technique, one tiny puncture is made to reach each vas deferens, the sperm tubes. The tubes are either tied, cauterized or blocked. The tiny puncture heals quickly without stitches or scarring, resulting in less bleeding, less pain and decreases the probability of infection, bruising and other complications. Men, you’ll be back in sexual action in 3 to 4 days!

With a Valentine’s Day vasectomy, you and your woman can take playing sexy nurse and horny patient to the next level. Act now, and we’ll even throw in a free tube of lubricant and a handheld masturbatory pleasuring device. After three months of consistent manual stimulation and sex with other forms of birth control, your doctor can confirm that all traces of sperm have been cleared out. And for the rest of your life, the playground will be open!

  • Disclaimer: Valentine’s Day vasectomies are only intended for men who do not wish or no longer wish to procreate and seek a permanent, non-hormonal birth control solution. Vasectomies do not protect against any sexually transmitted infections. Although the risk of infection due to surgery is low, if you experience a fever over 100°, blood or pus oozing from the site of the puncture, excessive pain or swelling, then see a health care provider. Other potential problems, which usually clear up on their own include bruising, hematomas, hydroceles, granuloma, and pain or discomfort in the testicles. Very rarely, the cut ends of a tube grow back together, which may happen within four months of the operation and allow pregnancy to happen.

[I was inspired to write this spoken word piece after watching several versions of a hormone-replacement treatment for women. All the women made a point to mention how they were driving their husbands crazy wanting sex. Initially, I thought why aren’t any of these women driving their boyfriends, girlfriends or wives crazy wanting sex? Then I thought, what would be the male version of some treatment that would entice a wife or girlfriend to have more sex with her man?]

On Valentine’s Day 2015, I emailed this piece to several male friends. Here are their anonymous responses. I’ve only edited out words that would have identified the respondent.

1st respondent: So, this is your way of asking me out tonight by trying to deflect it as a group email, eh. You could just call me, y’know. I might be free as I have a throng of women all waiting for me you see, but I can easily make room for you my {term of endearment}. It’s still winter, it still gets cold at night. 🙂

2nd respondent: Thankfully women of childbearing age are no longer attracted to me.

3rd respondent: You are to funny!  The story is insightful and to photo is a hoot and a holler! You know how to make us laugh — and wince in pain at the thoughts of surgery “there” — all at the same time! Thanks for sharing!

4th respondent:

Wow! I loved your article! I admire a woman who endorses vasectomies. Getting my vas snipped was the best decision I’ve made. All it took was a small puncture to my scrotum and a couple easy steps to remove two simple pieces of vas.

I have no qualms about shutting the ‘sperm factory’ down. Even more satisfying knowing that my testicles won’t be getting any woman pregnant! Not every ejaculation needs to have a name!

Women have to go through hormone pills and birth control pills, it would be easier for me to keep my ‘baby batter’ in check. I’d rather castrate myself than make a woman face an abortion!

Now that I’m shooting blanks, my sex drive has increased. Getting vasectomized has no effect on the quantity of semen I ejaculate! My seminal vesicles are still producing ejaculate.

Thank you for writing this article! I feel liberated. It’s so sexy that I can’t hurt a woman with a unwanted pregnancy. And my testicles still produce testosterone. Getting my cords clipped was done out of respect for the ladies.

Ciao!

MLK Weekend Celebration 2015

I find celebrating MLK Day to be just another day in my life. Since graduating from college in 1992, I’ve dedicated my life to teaching math and science to mostly nonwhite populations, starting with my Peace Corps assignment in Tanzania. Additionally, I read books about African American history, current events and participate in African diaspora culture throughout the year.

Yet, for this snapshot of one weekend where the national focus is a concentration on the African American phenomenon, both our struggles and triumphs in the US, I danced for nearly three and a half hours in four different African-inspired genres of dance classes, spoke of my international experience of wearing dreads at an open mic, and texted friends and family, “Happy MLK Day! Be sure to hug a black person.”

As a result of the latter activity, I received updates from two older friends who are recovering from surgery, got several virtual hugs, and one laugh-out-loud response from a friend, who joked about the possibility of being arrested for hugging a random black person at Home Depot.

I strutted into my bikram yoga studio and wished the instructor a Happy MLK Day and followed up with asking her if she’d hugged a black person yet. She said no, but enthusiastically came around from the front desk to receive a hug and the receptionist followed suit.  I ended up hugging six people.

Hugs can be as meaningful as the giver. I often marvel at how small changes in one’s behavior produce big changes in the long run. If you ever want to know the power of hug, all you to do is hug someone who has not received human touch in a while. Or hug someone you don’t normally hug. I’ve never celebrated MLK Day in this manner, but after the positive reception I’ve received, I think I’ll incorporate it in my yearly observation.

Farewell to 2014

my outfit

I boldly limped into you

With the ambition to end a few things…

My second novel

My horrible job

My insomnia

My doubts

I painted novel scenes

Climbed Machu Picchu

Worked from home

Worked out of my comfort zone

Derailed my train of thought

Blurred my lines

Dangled my participles

Argued against Oxford commas

Obeyed the Laws of Physics

Removed myself from the machine

Became a new part for an innovation outside the box.

Xmas Paintings

Back in June, I visited Peru and bought everyone in my family a pair of alpaca socks for Christmas. As thrifty as I am, I knew simply giving everyone a pair of socks was a little lean. Yet, buying for 9 people adds up very quickly.

I’m not sure when I got the brilliant idea to paint everyone a 4 X 5″ canvas from pictures, but I pounced on the task within a week. I ordered 9 canvases from a local art supply store since they did not have the total amount I needed. In the meantime, I selected and cropped the pictures I wanted to sketch on each canvas.  I’m so glad I did myself the favor of not putting any background. This allowed me to use white paint to correct some mistakes. Other mistakes were lack of skill! 

The picture I selected for my youngest nephew predates his mohawk, which he’s had since he was 5. We were checking out of the hotel after spending the weekend at our annual family reunion. He’d hopped on the luggage cart for a ride.

1 CJ

My youngest niece had participated in teen pageants. She ended that phase after two years and had her crown.

2 Maya

Last time I’d visited, I teased my oldest niece about always being on her phone. Apparently she still had a good sense of balance since she’d recently been accepted to VCU’s honor program.

3 Jasmine

When he was 16, my oldest nephew visited me in Honduras. We stayed in hotels with swimming pools. At one point, I looked over from reading poolside and discovered a rat was treading water around him. I snapped the picture, then told him to get out of the pool so the men could take care of the rodent.

4 Alec

One of the few times I visited my parents’ house for Christmas, it snowed. After the second snowfall, Mom made snow cream, which was the only thing good about it snowing. Here, one of my sisters ladles out her serving. 

5 Carla

My other sister has a passion for hats. I knew any portrait I painted of her, she’d be wearing one. Although I didn’t capture the exactness or details of the hat in the picture, this was close enough for my purposes!

6 Renee

I was limited in my choices for my brother-in-law’s canvas. I thought this pose, minus the rocking chair, did well.

7 Carl

I’ve documented all of Mom’s home remedies in an essay; so, this canvas captures one of her latest: eating nine gin-soaked golden raisins for the arthritis in her knee.

8 Mom

Finally, for Dad’s canvas, I chose a picture from when I’d returned home for Christmas and it snowed. Here, Dad measures how much snow has fallen on top of his car.

9 Dad

After a cancelled flight and 6-hour campout at the airport, I had a good night’s rest and the wrapped gifts. Magically, more gifts appeared under the tree, which were overflowing by the time Christmas Eve rolled around.

10 xmas tree

For the second Christmas in a row, my nieces and nephew got up late. This one was awake enough to cover her face when I came in to check on her and her sister.

11 sleeping Maya

My other niece was oblivious.

12 sleeping Jasmine

My nephew, the youngest, had been awake for hours, but hadn’t led the pack to kick off the Christmas present unwrapping. 

13 CJ's awake

Of course, the big sleep-in had to do with no longer believing in Santa–except for snarky T-shirts!

14 Maya's awake

They’d finally got into present-unwrapping position. A few were grumpy we’d eaten breakfast before opening presents, but all we adults told them they’d missed the before-breakfast opportunity. I hope it’s the start of a new tradition.

15 sobrinos & tree

One of my sisters was the first to open her gift from me.

16 Carla's socks

Even though people caught on they were getting a pair of Peruvian socks and a canvas, it was still entertaining to see their reactions to their portrait.

17 Carla's canvas

Dad had let me borrow his Air Force dog tags for one of my spoken word and poetry shows.

18 Dad w:dogtags

I surprised him by putting them in his gift bag along with his socks and canvas.

19 Dad w:socks
20 Dad w:canvas

I’d always teased one of my nieces for being a redbone. The complexion on her canvas showed a serious tan, but she liked it.

21 Maya w:canvas

I think my nephew was far more impressed with the racy mini poster of the all-female rock band than he was with the canvas I’d painted for him.

22 Alec w:poster

It was all I could do to have him put it down and get the other gifts out of the bag.

23 Alec w:canvas

One of my nieces had spent a week with me in Austin.

24 Jasmine w:Tshirt

She’d survived a beginner’s capoeira class as part of her visit.

25 Jasmine w:canvas

My other niece immediately recognized the shirt her sister wore in the canvas.

26 Jasmine w:socks

Here I thought I’d fudged it so much that it had become my own design.

27 Renee w:socks

The complexion of my other sister’s canvas was also much darker than she is in real life, but she loved the hat.

28 Renee w:canvas

Usually, my sister and her husband gave gift cards as our stocking stuffers.  

29 me w:money

This time around, they’d misplaced them and gave us cash instead.  Worked for me!

30 Carl w:socks

My brother-in-law claimed I didn’t give him enough hair in his portrait. Ironically, this picture cut off his head.

31 Carl w:canvas
32 CJ w:canvas
33 Mom w:canvas
33.1 Mom w:socks
34 Renee & Carl afghan

Despite my exotic and sentimental homemade gifts, Mom topped me with her personalized Afghan of my sister and her husband about 30 years ago.

35 Mom Dad & Alec

Originally, I’d wanted to get a picture of Mom and Dad’s new smiles, but Dad claimed he wanted to keep his smile “top secret” until all his dental work was completed.

36 senior citizen nap

And no Christmas story would be complete without a shot of Mom and Dad napping with the TV on after all was said and done around noon.

Adult Orphans’ Thanksgiving

1 yoga thxgvg schedule

Every Thanksgiving since I’ve lived in this fine town of Austin, there’s been a “fun” run.  Actually, people around here find any reason to run–rain, shine, or sleet! So, I left for yoga a few minutes earlier than usual for the inevitable traffic delay. Other than a clueless runner disregarding the crosswalk sign at an intersection not closed off for runners, I had absolutely no delay getting to yoga a whopping 35 minutes ahead of time. I pulled the door and nearly hurt my fingertips. I double-checked  the posted holiday schedule. Sure enough, for the first time ever, I arrived so early they hadn’t unlocked the door yet!The class was refreshingly full. So many out-of-towners made our bikram class part of their vacation experience. One of the best things after  practice was the surprising number of text messages, wishing me a happy Thanksgiving.

2 cornbreadJPG

I waited until I baked my “famous” cornbread, fortified with sharp cheddar cheese, hot green chilies and sweet corn. I sent along a picture of the cornbread with my return Thanksgiving texts.

4 appetizers

Although Thanksgiving dinner was mere minutes away, finding the actual apartment within the complex damn near took longer than the trip there. A delicious spread of appetizers awaited, but I wanted to save my appetite for the main meal.

As soon as I placed the cornbread on the table, I whipped out my Austin Writers Roulette 2015 business card-sized flyers.  I don’t even resist the temptation to recruit new people to the show. Our hostess had invited a variety of adult orphans to this dinner.

5 carving turkey

At one point, she asked for a volunteer to carve the meats. When no one stepped forward due to lack of experience, I announced having experience dissecting fetal pigs.  All agreed I was the most qualified. Fortunately, I didn’t have to battle with an intimidating whole turkey nor ham bone. Just a series of straight cuts. For the first time ever, I longed for my own set of knives! Seemed a little awkward to do that much knife work without my own knives.

6 carving ham

The easy part was cutting up the cornbread. I politely stepped aside to let the other guests serve themselves first. Once again, the racial stereotype was true: without the bold Black person to get the food line started, nonBlack people will out polite one another by not serving themselves. I shared that observation with them in between laughing and sipping wine on the couch. Finally someone bravely started the food line besides me. Predictably, the lively pre-dinner conversation slowed down. The hostess had been reluctant initially to start dinner since all the guests had not arrived. I said that if the guest in question was a Black or Latino, then he/she would not mind us starting without him/her. An Indian guest threw in his opinion that if the missing guest were an Indian, he/she wouldn’t mind us starting either.  With three major cultural passes like that, we all began.

7 dinner spread

I didn’t have any traditional board games although I was tempted to bring my Go board.  I decided in the end, that it was better to bring something we could all enjoy. I merely enticed two other people to join me making geometric shapes out of zometools.

8 zometools

As we all sporadically filed out, everyone prepared a to-go plate. The hostess even encouraged us to take home a bottle of wine. I lovingly shoved my parting gift of red wine into my runnur, impressing everyone with my utility “purse.” With food balanced in one hand and the case of zometools in the other, I couldn’t possibly carry a third thing in my hand.  

9 wine

I managed not to overeat, but wasn’t good for anything else and drove straight home to finish writing out nontraditional Christmas cards to beat the rush.

Halloween 2014

1 Cleopatra w:drink

This year, my inexpensive costume was the iconic Cleopatra. I meant to kill two birds with one stone by ordering a Bloody Mary to continue my research. Yet the bar was “provisional,” meaning they only stocked the commonly ordered drinks. 

2 hosts

The three radio hosts dressed as neon trees–the headlining band for the evening. They got the evening rolling and spoke in between acts. Unfortunately, some asshole seated near me in the balcony section, booed them just about every time the hosts were on stage. Although his friends tried to persuade him to stop, their giggling just fueled him on. For this reason and how far it seemed I was from the action, I’m buying a mezzanine ticket next year!

3 decorative masks

I liked the huge masks that were hung up in the background of the stage.

4 decorative masks

They looked different, depending on how different colored lights hit them.

5 hanging skull

Hanging above the center of the stage was a Janus-faced skull. Here’s a shot of the more gruesome face.

6 opening burlesque

The first burlesque group seemed to have a story… I just didn’t follow what it was.

7 opening burlesque

Just when I thought the narrative would come together, it was over. The first band was quite entertaining. Kind of a raunchy, loud rock band.

8 opening band

After their first song, I whipped out a bag of every middle-aged person’s favorite little friends–earplugs!

10 earplugs

The first aerial dancer not only performed well on the ring, she managed to add a little extra tease: when she removed her heavily-sequined bikini top, she revealed a smaller set of of heavily-sequined bikini costume.

11 1st aerial dancer

The second band had a secular gospel sound. Not just saying that because one of the backup singers was black–all the singers sang as if they’d grown up singing in a black Baptist church.

17 2nd band

The second burlesque performer had an elaborate costume, part of which she wore and part of which started off as a display.

20 2nd burlesque

The next performers were a combination of military zombie burlesque and aerial dancing.

24 3rd burlesque

They did a mash-up of popping and locking with “Thriller” moves. After a couple of formations, throwing in some “natural” movements in between, the aerial toys descended.

25 3rd burlesque

Four of the zombie troop hopped on an aerial toy with another dancer in the middle on the pole.

27 3rd burlesque

My excitement reminded me of being a kid again and not knowing which ring at a three-ring circus to look at.

29 3rd burlesque
31 3rd burlesque

Before the headliners, they brought up the female costume nominees. I thought the most out-of-the-box costume was the “pregnant” woman who had the baby’s limbs jutting out through her shirt.  The human flamingo was imaginative as well, but the audience voted for both the human flamingo (far rt) and the zombie bride.

32 women's costume contest

The male costume winner was a no-brainer. As soon as the guy with the big black wings walked on stage, the other guys could’ve walked off.

33 men's costume contest

When Neon Trees finally came on, I’d already started turning into a pumpkin. Yet I was curious to know if I knew more than one of their songs.Turns out, I didn’t!

35 Neon Trees

Fortunately, the third song was the only one I knew. So, I could have left then. I optimistically stayed for a few more songs. I got to witness two older, nearly legless women cry at the bar, their seat and stumble all over the stairs and occasionally dance.

36 Neon Trees

I left soon after the lead singer, who said he’d dressed as a dead cheerleader in heels to show empathy for women, sat down on the stage and remove his shoes.  He declared, “I’m done with these heels. I don’t know how you women do it.”

38 Neon Trees

Amen, brother! That’s why I no longer do it.

Gifts from Dad

Here are the greatest gifts Dad has given me, through the example of how he has lived his life:

  1. Love and support your family
  2. Honor your commitments to God, family, friends and country
  3. Fill your life with laughter
  4. Travel to new places
  5. Find the humor in things, especially when sad
  6. Read, study and dream to improve your life
  7. Fix the things that you can and pay others to fix what you can’t
  8. Approach every job with integrity, even if you’re bagging groceries as a retiree
  9. It’s OK to play bingo, slot machines and the lottery as long as all your bills are paid
  10. Drive other people’s cars whenever you can; it’s cheaper than buying a new one
  11. Cook a few delicious signature dishes that are named after you such as “Dad’s barbeque” or “Dad’s hash browns”
  12. Take a nap whenever you can
  13. Speak few words, but make every one of them count
  14. Celebrate your birthday for at least a week
  15. Tell corny jokes to your kids and grandkids
  16. Be the first to volunteer to run an errand, especially if you can drive someone else’s car
  17. Make up your own dance and keep it on beat
  18. Believe you’re “hip” no matter how old you are
  19. Retain a sense of humor when criticizing others
  20. Impregnate Mom a third time

Love you, Dad. Happy Father’s Day!

Nine Days of Freedom

This spring break is not just a vacation. It’s a reprieve from an externally structured schedule. As a quintessential Virgo, I’ll always operate on a schedule, but for the next nine days, it’ll be of my own design.  What a tease! Calling my own shots while pursuing happiness. Funny how there’s no problem getting out of bed in the morning when I can look forward to doing things that validate my existence on my own terms.

I find that my most creative breakthroughs occur around midnight. Another writer once told me that his moments of inspiration also came late at night. He chalked it up to his inner critic falling asleep sooner than he. I believe there’s a lot of merit to that. Physically, I can stretch deeper into a yoga posture when I relax. It stands to reason there’s a mental equivalent.

For the second month in a row, I borrowed part of my costume for today’s Austin Writers Roulette from friends.  I also saw they have huge Afro wigs, which I called dibs on for the “Courage” roulette in July. Many creative thoughts for that July show flooded my mind last midnight. Naturally, I wrote it all down in the notebook that’s kept beside my bed.

More than ever, I’m making every day count. I attempt to do that anyway, but with so much of my time structured beyond my control, I cannot drop what I’m doing whenever the spirit moves me. For the next nine days I can. My long term goals will be to extend this freedom beyond scheduled vacations.

I’ve spent enough of my life on some institution’s schedule. Here’s the part where I figure out what I want in life…again.