62 Years of Enduring Love

My parents’ 62nd anniversary fell on a Saturday, which meant we could have a celebration dinner during the day on the actual day. Like every other celebration since mid-April, we reserved the setting room down the hall from Dad’s rehab room, pushed the tables together and laid out the spread: fried chicken, pulled pork, hush puppies, cole slaw, baked beans, fried fish and a gallon of Arnold Palmer. My pescatarian sister and her husband had a mushroom and cheese pizza and my vegan niece had a tempeh sub.

With all that food, we STILL forgot to bring a dessert. Actually, I knew I’d eat dessert at the second event for the day at a barbecue. Besides, none of us needed to tempt diabetes.

The Happy Couple

Although Dad appreciated the effort to be together with family, especially his out-of-town daughter and her family, he was ready to return to his room soon after. More concerning, Dad either had no energy or no motivation to maneuver his wheelchair. Whether physiological or psychological, Dad regressed to being pushed in his wheelchair rather than ambulating without assistance.

At the end of the month, the plan is to bring Dad home, which is what he’s wanted for months. The biggest concern for the rest of us is that he’s still not walking nor appearing to be stronger. Some of us optimistically think that once home, Dad will be so happy that he’ll regain motivation to walk again.

I hope so. As much as we’re preparing for his return, the accommodations won’t be anything like rehab. I cringe to think where his spirits will be if he has to return to rehab after a brief stint at home.

Let’s Go Barbie!

Full disclosure: I hadn’t planned to see the Barbie movie, but with so much denouncement from the political right, and word-of-mouth from friends, I made it the highlight of my weekend. Besides, since I usually go from working at home to working out, I used the occasion to dress up, fondly recalling the days that I used to produce a monthly theme-inspired spoken word and storytelling show, where I hosted while dressed in a theme-inspired costume.

My Barbie Pose

I planned to attend the Saturday matinee alone, but thank goodness my family co-opted my plans. Made finding someone to take my picture for the inevitable photo opportunity that much easier.

Like a Treasure

What I hadn’t counted on was a hastily constructed Barbie box, which apparently was meant for kids and not those who were kids at heart.

My Nephew’s Barbie Pose

Although my nephew hadn’t dressed in pink, he was all aboard for posing.

My Sister’s Barbie Pose

My sister, on the other hand, shod in her pink sneakers, sported her pink “Sisters” T-shirt, which was quite appropriate for a film that dealt with sisterhood…among other things.

An amazing transformation took place among conservatives when Barbie hit the billion-dollar mark in only 17 days, which was the fastest any movie had done so. And *GASP*…. by a woman director.

Suddenly, the movie that conservatives had decried as “woke” became a cautionary tale against feminism. They claimed that Barbie was in a loveless, sexless relationship with Ken although these dolls have never been “sex dolls.” Besides, would conservatives be happy with the promotion of sex before marriage?

Amazing how lots of money continues to be a game changer.

As much as I’d love to believe that a movie can have a radical impact on society, after all, a movie did inspire the second rise of the KKK when it was shown in the White House, I’m cautiously optimistic. The recent success that Ohioans delivered at the polls, which stopped a bill that would have made it harder to change the state constitution is an example of the type of action that needs to be reproduced.

We’ll never reach Barbieland, but we can mitigate male toxicity.

Lending a Helping Hand

As much as I love to relax on the weekends and fully enjoy my unstructured time, I volunteered nearly three hours to help someone I care about with the manifestation of a crisis that she’s been surviving for over 32 years. It all began when she birthed a special needs child.

Not that her son’s autism was visible at birth. Even when it became apparent that he was “sensitive,” there still wasn’t a specific diagnosis, which would have been coupled with age-appropriate treatment and interventions at school. As a matter of fact, she herself could have had a support group outside of her own family with other parents of children with autism.

Presently, after more than three decades of being a single mom of a child with autism, the challenge shows in a car and home that are filled to the brim with things. At first blush, I’d call all of it “junk,” but nearly everything has a story, a purpose, a reason for its contribution to the heap of things that I’d love to bag up indiscriminately and haul off either to Goodwill or the landfill. The real mantra in this case is: Donate, Organize, Recycle, or Trash.

Yet, I asked as neutrally as possible if she still wanted certain things, small bags of which were the remains of art projects. For all of those, we concluded that the best course of action would be to set them all aside for her to consolidate the contents.

Another solid decision was to bag up the piles of clothing that she and her son could no longer wear. That cleared a remarkably amount of precious floor space.

In the end, we took three carloads to Goodwill and filled her home recycling and trash bins. At the same time, we’d only removed just one layer of stuff, still not accomplishing the goal of clearing her living room by shifting all that stuff that would be retained and organized to the spare bedroom, which also had been filled to the brim.

I offered to return the following Saturday with the goal of pulling all the books that I’d discovered during this first pass through. She expressed a strong desire to keep certain books, but admitted that many could be donated. She also stated that throughout the week, she’d go through all the “mail” that was kept in bags, a crude filing system.

Other bags of paper merely looked like junk mail, but since she’s an art teacher, everything could have eventually find a home in a future art project. Fortunately, most of it found its way into the recycling bin.

After the last load of things were donated to Goodwill, we treated ourselves to a deluxe milkshake, followed by takeout from a Thai restaurant. Having dessert first is a good way to celebrate.

The next day, I treated myself to a mani pedi, which felt more luxurious than previous trips to the nail salon.

Not All Chairs Are Created Equal

When I moved in with my parents, I set up things in stages. I had a week and a half to unpack the essentials, prioritizing my home office. After cleaning out all the things my parents had stored in the downstairs room, I rearranged the room, using the pre-existing furniture.

Eventually, I replaced the desk, which was actually an ol’ school sewing machine table. Then I replaced the chair, which had no arm rests, no head rest, nor lumbar support.

Professional-Looking Office Chair

To go with my sleek looking desk and adjustable standing desk, I bought a sleek-looking black office chair. Just as one shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, the comfortableness of office chairs shouldn’t be judged by their looks.

No matter what I did, I never sat in that chair comfortably while working. I added a pillow for my back, but the chair’s head rest couldn’t be moved forward to support my head while looking at the monitors. Even adding a portable lumbar support didn’t help much.

Gamer’s Chair

After fidgeting with it for months, I returned to my senses and got an inexpensive gamer’s chair. (Perhaps too cheap because the armrests aren’t adjustable!) I’d bought my first gamer’s chair a few years ago, reasoning that if people a fourth of my age could sit comfortably for 12 hours or more, then a middle age woman could sit for a few hours a day when tired of standing.

Now, in between calls, I sit until a call comes in. I stand up, do what I can for the patient before returning to a seated position after the call concludes. It’s really the best of both worlds since before I bought my standing desk, I felt miserable sitting the whole time. This way, I’m getting slow aerobic exercise throughout my shift.

Not that I ever want to sit on my ass for eight hours unless I’m traveling, but even then, I want a comfortable seat. I have had enough of the ass-biting seats experience back when I was a Peace Corps Volunteer.

Alternative Housing

As a family, we’d kicked the housing can down the road until we’d just about reached the end. We’d been blessed with general good health until the complications of age and reduced mobility brought us to research and strategize alternative housing.

My parents bought their current house in 1979 when they were still physically vibrant, going up and down three flights of stairs was absolutely no issue. Until this past April, both parents had slowed their gait, but were still able to amble around the house.

When Dad entered rehab after partial hip surgery, many questions arose, regarding which facility he’d enter after leaving rehab since his insurance only covers 100 days. He’s not yet ambulatory, and needs another affordable high-quality place that offers physical therapy.

Coupled with that concern, were questions about where one of my nephews, who has Asperger’s, will live. Throughout his 32-year life, he’s only ever lived with my parents or with his mother, but never on his own. The major hurdle is that he doesn’t know how to live independently and may very well need to live in a supported group home for the rest of his life.

As an only child, his peers are coworkers and 3 out-of-state first cousins who he’s not close to. Part of that emotional distance has to do with having Asperger’s, but in general, my nephew has never received on-going services outside of an academic setting to practice being sociable.

Recently, I surveyed him about his independent-living skills. For such things like shaving or doing laundry, he stated that he knew how to do them, but my sister filled in the details behind those answers. He’s only ever shaved himself once and goes to the barber every couple of weeks for the rest. As far as laundry is concerned, he washes clothes every few days, but the loads are very small since he’s still not clear on what constitutes a proper load of laundry.

Fortunately, my other sister has been studying real estate. As I’ve researched resources for adults with autism, one of the first things that I confirmed was that the current group homes had no vacancies. As a former public school teacher, I already knew that there was always more need than resources.

That dismal conclusion had a positive spin in the autism literature when it stated that families of people with autism often find creative solutions to form supported group homes.

I shared that suggestion with my real estate sister. We had an energizing conversation. She’d studied about government funding for such a place. She brainstormed about checking out hotel properties and talking to one of our first cousins who’d worked in a similar setting.

When I informed my nephew that his aunt and her family would be his future landlords, I saw the flicker of excitement in his eyes. He’d finally be able to take this milestone step of more independent living with support.

Speaking of support, Mom chose to pay the expense for Dad to remain at rehab a month longer. By that time, hopefully a chair lift will be installed, so Dad can go from their bedroom on the top floor to the kitchen/dining room/living room area, located on the second floor. Also, she’s researching attendant options since Dad will still need assistance with some daily living activities.

In the meantime, the rest of us, my sisters and Mom, continue to hold down the fort as we search for more support while arranging suitable accommodations for Dad and my nephew.

2023 Strange Family Reunion

This year marked our 82nd continuous Strange Family Reunion and the first time we were back in person after three years of virtually meeting during the pandemic. We essentially had two themes for this family reunion: “Back Down Memory Lane” and “Celebrating Our Second Generation Legacies.” What we meant by “second generation” was second freeborn generation as in their parents were not born into slavery and neither were they.

Strange Family Shelter

Historically, our family reunion was held at my maternal grandparents’ home. Then under trees in the combined backyards of several extended family members near my grandparents’ home. Finally, many relatives built a permanent shelter on family land.

Before You Eat…

Our IRL reunions run Friday through Sunday. During the pandemic, we all became more tech savvy. To plan for this year’s event, we held near weekly Zoom meetings to discuss programing for the entire weekend, along with divvying up roles. I suggested that some family could be “voluntold” the day of the event to lend a helping hand.

Fish fry & Grill

Every day unfolded like a well rehearsed play with few hiccups. Friday kicked off with our usual fish fry. Over the years, the menu has expanded to include vegan options with this year’s introduction of fried corn, which was so popular that they ran out. There was also a modest vegan buffet.

Frying Corn

I filled my plate with fish and sides. I didn’t bother with any of the grilled offerings, which included Mom’s favorite: hot dogs.

Grilling

For the first time ever, we had a kitchen manager who’d set three different menus and she had dedicated kitchen volunteers for all three days. Everything was very well organized and delicious. Next year, we’re planning to have even more kitchen staff on Saturday since that’s our main programing day. I suggested contracting a clean up crew for the end of each day.

Friday Kitchen Staff

We honored 12 of our elders and sat them at a head table on Saturday. Instead of having to wait in line or even going first in line, the honorees simply circled items on a printed menu of their selections and a food runner brought them their plate. That was one of many of the big hits during the reunion.

Food Line

We also honored them on Saturday by having those who were able to walk down the red carpet, pose for pictures before being seated at the head table. My contributions to the program were to show a presentation that I created, which gave a brief biography for each honoree, followed by reading an “Oscar” blurb before the honoree or their representative accepted a gift bag.

Elders Eat First

All throughout the three-day reunion, I walked around taking video clips. I’d changed the settings on my cameraphone to 4K. I’d researched and discovered that my antiquated iPhone 8 had the capability to capture film quality footage. For this event, I tested it out.

Red Carpet Pose

Although I had other means of capturing the event, I enjoyed practicing with my camera like a filmmaker, especially on Sunday when we had church service at the shelter prior to our final day of breaking bread together.

Sunday Kitchen Staff

One of my relatives, sang two gospel songs. I used both of them as the soundtrack to the nearly 6-minute video summary of our reunion. I knew before the event began that I didn’t want to narrate the video as I’d done the “Celebrating Our Second Generation Legacies” presentation. Nor was I going to use the the audio associated with the clips because they would have far too much noise. Those two gospel songs were the perfect solution.

Additionally, those clips were much longer than necessary–over 35 minutes altogether. Some schools of thought state that it’s better to have more than what’s needed for editing purposes. With practice, I can be more selective and time conscious when taking B-roll shots. Nonetheless, I trimmed the fat and shared the video with the rest of the family as one of several documentations of our reunion.

2023 Independence Day

A year ago, I was living a very different life in Austin, TX. Although I had a decent full-time job with benefits, where I was paid every other week, I considered one paycheck mostly for rent and the other for all the other things I needed/wanted. In other words, I was in my least favorite financial place, living paycheck to paycheck without any end in sight.

Now with my parental subsidy, I have a “savings.” Not a nest egg. More like some cash ready to pay next month’s bills.

There’s always the hope of a trivial side hustle making it big. The twin reality: not quitting my day job any time soon. Nonetheless, I enjoy the small happy moments as they come.

Case in Point: I had the bright idea to call a nail salon, banking on the chance that they weren’t celebrating Independence Day. Lo and Behold! that paid off.

Not only did the receptionist tell me to come in within 15 minutes, but as I waited in the lobby for about three times that amount of time, I had the luxury of talking to my writer partner/friend.

Usually, I don’t take the time to talk with her for hours, in the middle of the day, during a week day. Yet this Independence Day found me free from the burdensome schedule of the 9 to 5. As I received a relaxing mani pedi, my friend talked with me during the entire time, including the drive there and back.

By the time I returned home, I was famished. Between my sister’s and Mom’s cooking, a meal fit for a queen awaited: ribs, sausage, string beans, and potato salad. I could have piled even more food on my plate, but saved something for dinner.

Afterwards, we piled into the car to run an errand before visiting Dad at rehab. I was like a well-fed baby who could barely stay awake once the car started moving. I kept dozing off.

By the time we arrived at Dad’s, I was groggy, but happy to have caught him during one of his physical therapy sessions. He was shaky on his legs, but I loved seeing him take a few steps at the tail end of his workout. He was tired.

Everyone except for Dad were dressed for the holiday. He was immersed in his own world, above all the hoopla. He generally feels like he’s in a prison because he’s been cooped up for so long. Yet, he’s free from all the hype.

In the end, I enjoyed my Tuesday day off. The only fireworks I saw were on TV from the comfort of home. Next day, back to the grind. Glory hallelujah!

Celebrating Our 2nd Freeborn Generation

For the 82nd continuous Strange family reunion, we celebrated our second freeborn generation. Our theme was “Back Down Memory Lane.” With help from extended family, I created a presentation with pictures, facts, and anecdotes about each honoree.

The 12 Honorees

https://1drv.ms/p/s!AgxqBwvGu4qmgRGU0E_u15k6anfd

Click on the link above, then click on “Download.”

Click on the downloaded powerpoint file to open.

Click on the full screen icon found in the lower right side to automate the slideshow with audio.

Father’s Day in Rehab

Making the best of a challenging situation, we revived our usual Sunday dinner at the rehab facility where Dad continued to convalesce. Mom made mac and cheese, greens, and deviled eggs. My sister picked up fried chicken and bought plates, utensils, cups and lemonade. For my part, I made naturally-dyed red velvet cupcakes, using a recipe I’d made once before, using a large beet as a natural source of the red dye.

Dad’s Only Smile while Eating His Cupcake

Dad had longed to break free of rehab and return home for weeks. We told him the same thing: he cannot return home until he can walk.

Too Busy Chewing to Smile

Although he’d made progress, we celebrated at rehab where the architecture accommodated the wheelchair with caregivers who helped transition him between the wheelchair and bed. Mom has said for years that she wanted a “ranch-style” house with everything all on one level.

Now there may be a solution. Mom has looked into military housing that will accommodate wheelchairs, walkers and other mobility supports. That would get Dad out of the rehab sooner because he’d have to walk as he was doing before to return to their actual home. I’d like to think of that military housing as a halfway house for Dad. At the same time, Dad may not like going to strange place that still isn’t home.

Then again, home may be where Mom is.

Upside Down Exercises

At some point in my pole fitness journey, I want to invert, which makes the difference between my current level and advancing to the next one, level 4. It’s a pretty daunting task to invert while on the pole. The fight against gravity is pretty gnarly when hanging on right-side up. What I’ve learned in the few months since I’ve been taking classes is that whatever skill I want to accomplish on the pole, should be practiced while off the pole.

Yoga Inversion Stand

Enter my new favorite exercise toy: a yoga inversion stand. When not in use, the stand serves as a foot rest in front of the only seat in the den that does not incline with a built-in foot rest.

Ready for Action!

Every morning, I remove the cushion, put my head through and pike up to vertical 10 times. The first time I used the stand, the experience amazed me. I easily inverted since the stand supported the brunt of my weight with the use of my shoulders.

Allegedly, five minutes of inverting is the equivalent of two hours of sleep. Thanks to my sinuses being stuffy in the mornings, I’ve yet to test out that theory. Thankfully, the sinus pressure lessens when I’m in pike position.

Another benefit I read about was that it would slim my waist. I scoffed at that one. Pretty much any weight loss would do that, so I didn’t dwell on that too much.

The underside of the cushion depicts several pictures of suggested exercises. I made up one of my own, which I refer to as “around the world.” While gripping the bars, I walk around the stand to complete a circle. At one point during the circuit, I must flip over into a back bend, then flip back over to return to the starting point. Of course, I circle in the opposite direction.

As ungracefully as I complete my around the worlds, my back only knows that it feels more sensational than it did prior to the exercise. That dynamic exercise is perhaps the best morning stretch I’ve ever done. No matter how late I wake up, I do that stretch. It doesn’t take but a minute to go in both directions. The reward far outweighs the time investment.

I’ll have to do other exercises for a more intensive core workout needed for pole inversion, but I’m definitely sticking to those around the worlds. So far, I only do one rotation in each direction, but I want to increase that once I get better at it. And improve my technique.