I don’t have a passion for cooking. The most I do since moving back in with my parents is make breakfast every morning. Even the pull of Thanksgiving didn’t inspire me to prepare a dish or dessert to share.
For a brief moment, I thought about bringing my very first batch of Kool-Aid pickles. I’d only learned about their existence a few days prior to Thanksgiving on National Pickle Day. Since the preparation didn’t involve too many ingredients nor much effort, I tried it out.
The most time-consuming part was finding the Kool-aid packet. Not only was it on an aisle that I usually skip, but I couldn’t buy an individual packet like we used to do when I was a child. So, I got my pack of five and used the blue-colored one. (Who really gives a damn about what the actual artificial flavor was?)
Then, I bought the cheapest jar of pickles, which conveniently enough, were also thinly sliced. As any kitchen scientist knows, the more surface area something has, the quicker the absorption rate.
When I got home, I poured 2/3 cup of sugar into the bottom of a mason jar, emptied the Kool-Aid packet, forked out all the pickles, and then filled the jar with the pickle juice.
Mom, who’s auditorily-challenged but still managed to hear that I was up to something, entered the kitchen to investigate. I told her about my edible experiment, explaining that they’d be ready in three days.
Despite the surrealness of blue-green pickles a la Dr. Seuss, they were delicious. Although they were festively colored, I was in no creative mood to dress them up or at least arrange them beautifully on a tray to elevate them to a Thanksgiving side dish/condiment.
Instead, I stuffed my inside jacket pockets with my silver chalice and a 375 mL bottle of red wine. Along with my Thanksgiving pants, a drinking jacket was the perfect accompaniment for the holiday.
Of course, I wasn’t the first to think of a “drinking jacket.” A quick online search resulted in many hits for beer jackets, showing off all the features to accommodate various drinking accessories and ease of transportation.
I’d have to make several modifications if I truly wanted to transform my multi-pocketed jacket into a true wine jacket, starting with straps to secure the chalice and the bottle. Or much deeper pockets.
As I’ve ranted before, the fashion industry abhors women’s clothing having pockets, much less deep pockets. I’m not sure if it’s whether to pressure women to buy expensive handbags or to pressure women to show off our bodies, unencumbered with bulky pockets, but men don’t have the same struggle. They even enjoy pockets with their pajamas.
As usual, the chalice was a big hit, but one person just had to clown me about the size of my bottle. He didn’t even want wine. My niece had brought a 750 mL bottle of wine. So, there was enough wine for everyone who had good palates: my nieces, a nephew and me. The rest only liked fruity cocktails and very sweet dessert wines, ie alcoholic Kool-aid, as I refer to them.
Time will tell if I’ll be inspired to prepare something for Thanksgiving. Or create a better wine jacket.