For years, I tortured myself, thinking of unique gifts for my immediate family. Gift-shopping was so much easier during the years I lived outside the States. The real challenge arose when I returned in 2009. The period between then and 2020 were hit or miss.
After eight years of being an expat, I resettled in Austin, TX. For the first few Christmases, I got away with the uniquely Austin things: Keep Austin Weird and Longhorn T-shirts, things made by local artists and businesses.
Even before I suddenly quit teaching, the whole gift-buying thing had become stale. The worst holidays were when I was too broke to participate in the commercialization of Christmas, but still wanted to celebrate with my family. The expectations of the gift-exchange was very stressful. The experience usually involved either a joyless financial obligation and/or the gift recipient was graceless in their discovery that my gift hadn’t met their expectations.
The year I was $30/week for groceries poor, one of my family members voiced how they hoped what I’d gifted them wasn’t a cookbook while unwrapping a cookbook. Well, not only had that cookbook represented half of my weekly grocery budget, but it contained two recipes that we were both known for. I’m not sure if the person ever used it, but I felt absolutely stupid for sacrificing half my weekly food money instead of making a gift like I’d done for every other family member.
Two COVID silver linings were not traveling home for Christmas and the rise of Zoom. That was an inexpensive holiday where I sent two care packages of edible goodies: one vegan gift for my sister and her family to share and another one shared by my parents, other sister and nephew.
I absolutely loved that. Not just the comparatively cheaper online shopping, but the mere appreciation that none of us died from a virus and had lived to see one another again, albeit virtually.
Although I’d managed to secure a full-time job with good benefits in June 2021, as par for the course, my salary was nowhere near being enough to continue living in Austin. So, I moved back home with my parents at the end of July 2022.
As stressful as relocating was, I had to adjust to a new family dynamic on top of always being home for the holidays. There was no way I was going to jump back on the capitalistic, commercialization of Christmas once again.
I researched “non-materialistic” Christmas gifts. One thing that resonated with me was planning a family event. I’m not sure how I came across indoor skydiving, but as soon as the idea crossed my mind, I booked a flight for the whole family except my octogenarian parents who still had an enjoyable time watching the rest of us.
The following Christmas, Dad could no longer walk unassisted. For that family Christmas event, I recruited five of my dance teachers to perform in a Christmas show that I wrote, produced, directed and hosted. It was one of the few times Dad had been outside the house without it being a doctor’s appointment since his injury.
By the next Christmas, Dad still couldn’t walk. I produced another Christmas show where an actress/dancer came to our house to perform a one-woman show I’d written. She performed in the living room where I ran sound from my laptop.
I barely pulled off that last show. Took far more effort than the previous year to thread the needle, given that half the family lived out of town and only stayed for a hot second. Then I worried about the performer arriving on time, my family arriving on time and me getting Christmas Eve off, which Christmas miracle, I did.
This year, the day after Thanksgiving, traditional Black Friday, we joined millions of other families in the States and had a Brown Friday. On Brown Friday, you have to call a plumber. At the time of this writing, that seemingly simple plumbing problem blossomed into the house needing asbestos mitigation AND new pipes outside of the house.
And it was STILL the Christmas season. I paid for half of the original plumbing bill since I felt that my occasional use of “flushable” wipes had contributed to the issue. However, the house, which was built in 1971, still had the original pipes and needed an upgrade.
I was still motivated to observe a non-materialistic Christmas, but Grinch style. This year, everyone’s getting cussed out for Christmas.
And why not? It’s free. One size fits all. Even if it doesn’t, it’s easily customizable. Personalized to let past Christmas slights ooze out as the eggnog flows.
With so many boxes checked, I’m surprised I’ve not done it before. Especially when family members had so ungraciously complained about a gift I’d given them right in front of me. Worst, one family member aggressively approached me about a gift I gave another family member because that was what a third family member “should have” received as well.
Fuck all that. And I get to keep my money too. Scrooge would be proud.