The Tequila Strategy

Mom’s favorite restaurant gives me diarrhea. No matter what I eat from that bountiful Sunday buffet, it’ll disagree with my digestive track. Whatever the secret ingredient is, she’s immune to it, but it makes me sick. Or perhaps Jesus spares Mom because she goes to church.

Whatever the case, while at the restaurant, I liberally use red hot sauce, which contains antibacterial capsaicin that battles against food-borne pathogens.

Then, I counteract the effects of that dubious food by taking a tequila shot when I get home. However, that’s only effective if we return home in time. That’s too big of an “if” when it comes to the shits. Of all the restaurants that should serve alcohol, this one does not.

This last time, I warded off digestive problems: I brought my tequila shot with me. Strawberry lemonade never tasted so good.

Reminded me of the time when I used to teach at an American school in Alexandria, Egypt. While living in Egypt, I commonly carried a flask in my purse because the vast majority of restaurants didn’t serve alcohol.

One of the parents had invited several of their kids’ teachers to dinner during Ramadan. Once we received our nonalcoholic drinks, I offered the other teachers to top off their drinks with a splash of tequila. None of them took me up on my offer.

Afterwards, some teachers reported having digestive issues. Since we all had eaten the same food, we ruled that out.

Then, we compared what we’d drunk. None of teachers who had karkade, a sweetened hibiscus tea, were sick. As a matter of fact, all the teachers who reported being sick had the lemonade. Except for me.

Tequila had neutralized whatever was in the lemonade. So, began my belief in the medicinal power of tequila.

Tequila’s also my go-to for a hot toddy. Other people reportedly use whiskey, but, to me, the best combination for a hot toddy is hot water, local honey, a few whole cloves, fresh lime juice and a shot and a half of tequila. Soothing and delicious!

I’m not a healthcare professional. Don’t even play one on TV, but I firmly believe that tequila should be a part of any first-aid kit or emergency bag. For medicinal purposes, of course. After all, there’s good reason that people will sanitize their hands with drinkable alcohol as a last resort.

Last resort because alcohol, especial tequila, should be consumed. But that’s why they call it an emergency.

Just like when when the remnants of an ice storm lingers on your windshield. As heartbreaking as it sounds, you can use tequila to melt that ice if you no longer have isopropyl alcohol.

But really, with all the technology available, you should always have enough forewarning to get the isopropyl alcohol and save your tequila for times such as when my mother invites you to her favorite restaurant.