I’ve been reading a curated list of books since December when I first signed up for a 200-hour yoga teacher training virtual course. I’ve often said since starting this journey that the reading list alone was worth the cost of the entire course.
Cannot remember which book I took the above quote from, but I was intrigued that the author intentionally modified it from the Serenity Prayer which states, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Changing bad habits is one of the hardest things to do. Attempting to change another person’s bad habits is nearly mission impossible. The invested energy would be better spent improving one’s self.
More importantly, trying to control someone else drains the joy out of you. The question I’ve asked myself many times before is: what price am I willing to pay to change another person?
It’s delusional to believe that I will change any person or situation without changing myself. I’ve learned that lesson by watching others repeatedly hit their head against the wall. Furiously clinging to preserve how they do things while simultaneously spending a lot of energy to change another person. Whether they acknowledge it or not, the main person who’s being affected is them.
And not for the better. Which drives more anger, resentment and other negative emotions.
What if instead, challenging situations motivated introspection to resolve the issue in a productive way? Instead of allowing a bad situation to fester and deepen the hole that you find yourself in, you liberate yourself to a better position.
The first battle I usually have to fight is my temper. Others may bait me into an argument precisely so I can lose my temper and lose ground. In the past, I’ve gone either way.
At best, I’ve maintained a level head, and when at work, a professional tone, while resolving a conflict. Only half the time does logic work. Regardless of whether in a professional setting or not, I’m still dealing with another person. No matter how logical my argument may be, that other person may not appreciate another way of doing something because that would cause them to leave the comfort zone they’re fighting tooth and nail to maintain.
At worst, I’ve said things, especially in personal relationships, to inflict maximum pain. It’s predictable because I know the other person in question will only back down if I finally lose it. I don’t want to cut them to the core, but it’s as if the argument cannot end with a curt, “We can agree to disagree” TV-style of conflict resolution.
When my temper is lost, so are many options to deal with a situation differently. Yet, it’s worth the effort to seek another way to handle life’s conflicts.
Unlike when I was in my 20s, I no longer believe that I’ll be happy when I’ve removed myself from stressful situations and people. The hits will keep coming and none of them will take turns.
So the real challenge is having the courage to change, given the fluidity of life, but still remain true to myself. I will be my own best advocate. I am worth the effort. My focus and invested energy will rely on how I can best adapt to a situation rather than controlling another person.
Easier written than done.